this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
