He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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