I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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