shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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