I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
