So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
