It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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