He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
