:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i barfeds in our rink
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
