I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
