She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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