I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
