the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
