I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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