So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
