I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
