i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
