pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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