Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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