4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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