Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
