is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
