i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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