I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is Oprah even human
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Congratulations! We have a period
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
