I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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