Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
