hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
