are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hippo gnu deer
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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