my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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