so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
