I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
