i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
