Life is so much better after having sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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