pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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