She is in my trunk
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
