and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
