I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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