I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
