I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize