i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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