I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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