Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
