im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
