Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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