she was so not down for the gang bang
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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