i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
