Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize