I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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