"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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