you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize