I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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