So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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