i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize