Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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