I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
