yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
