My first STD was from a foam party
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize