3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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