I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
