we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
