I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
