Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
