i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
