Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
