Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
