Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
