NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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