There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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