Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize